I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
