I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
