I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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