fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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