He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You smell like a Billy Joel song
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love having hate sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
