separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
