My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
