Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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