I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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