It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
