clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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