Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
