Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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