i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I still have a little drunk in my system
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
