Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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