come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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