he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
