Someone shit on the floor
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
