Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
