Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
