the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
