I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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