You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
