They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
