the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
