Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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