just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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