I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize