you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
