Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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