Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
