did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize