YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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