i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
