No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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