btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
