During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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