i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
