I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
