The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
