i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
