so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
