Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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