I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
