Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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