please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
