after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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