I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i think my cat just said my name.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
