sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
