we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
