I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
