was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
