:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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