I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
