tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
