at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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