i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
