just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
