he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
