she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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