Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
