Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
