Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
