I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
