Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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