I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
