i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
