I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
