They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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